i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
