I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
