Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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