this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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