I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
