dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
