your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
