You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
