did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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