He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
