Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
