But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
