I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
