Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
