That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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