i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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