My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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