you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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