Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
