But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize