no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
