I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
