How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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