I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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