I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
