I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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