I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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