There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
