The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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