is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
