I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
