i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
