I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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