Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
