You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize