How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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