There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
