Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Randomize
