I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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