it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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