Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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