just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
