he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
