my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
