yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
