Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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