Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
