The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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