dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
