I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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