Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
