i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Of course I have a pirate flag
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
