i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
