My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
