i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
