i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
