Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
