was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
