you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
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you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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