toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
