No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
