when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
