I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
