I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
