I'm drive I can fine osifer
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
